Late hour random thoughts blog.

1) My body is tired. I spent the last hour trying to soothe my overtired little boy. We were on a walk to Target, but turned around to come home after I saw that he fell asleep. I got him into bed, but when he woke up to find that he was at home and not at Target, he had a meltdown. He was so tired, he couldn't calm himself down. It took him an hour for him to finally go to sleep. He screamed and tried throwing things, he walked around, tried hitting, tried getting into the stroller and putting his shoes on, he screamed and cried some more. I am noticing with these late night melt downs when he needs to just go to bed, he just has to go through his process of anger and emotion and get it out. I am present, but I did give him space again. Later, he just laid on the ground, crying occasionally. Finally I got into his bed with him and got him to sleep. And now after all that, I'm tired. Suddenly my plans of vacuuming and baking a pizza sound less appealing to just laying here. :/

2) Here is Caleb's community "garden" at school. A real garden would be awesome. I think having him plant into soil and grow things would be great. I could do that with him at home, but I swear, I just do not do plant life. Recall blogs: No Green Thumb Here about when I was gifted a Lavender plant, and the subsequent outcome: Death of Lavender Plant. Yeah, so a mini home garden on the patio when over the years, I have had a 0% success rate at plant life? Doubtful.
Caleb's plant. Thanks Trader Joes!
3) A vintage store that I have always wanted to go to closed in Huntington Beach. The whole store was 40% off. I got a few things, including this:

Now, I share this here because I kind of wish I did not buy this. First off, I am not into animal print of any kind. Lots of people rock it, but I am no leopard gal. 95% of the time I get shoes, it's for practical reasons. Namely, work. SOooo, I decided that if there was any time in my life I would get a fake animal print, it was going to be a shoe like this, that is (surprisingly) comfortable and yes, more "fun" then my awesome black practical shoes which I probably prefer. I mean, I feel like I could be Minnie Mouse or something with these on. Still, on sale, comfortable, and it went with the things I got. Not going to lie, if I COULD return them, I probably would. 
Also I wish I could return this 1950's dress too. It's fine and dandy, but unnecessary. I think I got it because it was a good sale and I have wanted a red dress since last Chinese New Year. 
I hate shoppers guilt. Gah! The few other vintage sale finds I found were good and I have no issue with them. It's may end up selling this dress. We'll see.
4) Today while getting off the 405, I looked over and saw this sign:
First thing I did was huff to myself and think, "Right, you along with most America..." Then I admired his willingness to do something different. Post a sign off of a freeway and make his own website. Still, I think this photo is pretty representative of where a lot of people are at right now. I know of many who can relate. It reminds me of other tactics I have heard of people doing. Yes, some have made their own sites of this nature. One guy made his resume look like an actual Amazon listing, which was amazing. Another guy turned his wife's resume into a billboard. Clever, and in some cases, totally effective.

5) Caleb anecdote from the other day: He was at the kitchen table with Jessie, and had some food product from the cabinet in hand. Once he heard me in the hall, he looked at her, put his finger to his mouth, and said, "Shhh!" Then he slowly lowered his body to the ground to hide from me. He knew he didn't ask for whatever he had in his hand. I don't even remember what it was now, and I don't think I would have cared had he asked. But I told him that he can't sneak food and needs to ask me. That doesn't stop him from trying again though! Yesterday morning I found him huddled under the kitchen table once again, trying to break into a box of Bisquix. He must have been intrigued by this box due to the outside illustrations which boast promises of biscuits and pancakes. 
6AM: Caleb & the Bisquix. His attempted break in was of to no avail.
6) Second Caleb Story: This one is second hand relayed to me via Spencer, who was told this by his mom. She (Nana) was picking Caleb up at school the other day when the school director Pennee pulled her aside. Pennee told her of how Caleb is the one three year old child she has seen in a long time, correctly understand and use sarcasm into daily conversations, in the right context. She said that sometimes she will walk by his class, hear something he says, and laugh out loud. This doesn't surprise me at all, but I really don't think I have witnessed it. 

I think the way we use sarcasm can either be destructive towards relationships, or be in good fun. That statement isn't really about Caleb, but in general, sarcasm, when rooted in bitterness or in an unloving, unkind place, doesn't help build positive relationships with others. If we respond with snide, sarcastic remarks, it can create a wedge of distrust or at the very least, be hurtful. This is something I have thought about before, then Pastor Steve at church spoke about it a few weeks ago, which broadened my thoughts about it. I have just been recognizing the different uses of sarcasm and its ability to tear down. I know that when I use sarcasm sometimes, its merely to joke in good fun. Other times though, it's rooted in an issue I am having with the person that I might not want to talk about, or might be brushing off. That doesn't appear often with me, but when it does, it is worth taking note of because it may not be the most positive or healthy way to respond. Anyway, tangent over. Caleb's a character. The end.

7) I feel very lucky to be Caleb's mom. Yes, I am quite tired at this very moment. I am not weary, just tired. Right now, he wants to be with me a lot. Right when we get home, he wants to play Lincoln Logs. But I need to make dinner, so it creates an issue. He told me today, "You always are making dinner!!" It wasn't a positive statement. I was thinking, "Pssh, you're telling me!" He is the kind of child that needs to eat. Especially after school. You don't wanna hang out with him if he is hungry. Nope. That is meltdown territory. So yes, even though I actually would rather play, I have dinner duties. After some struggle today, he came to help make the food. He soon got over it. Still, after the night ends, and I do the things I need to do like load up the dishwasher, finally get him into bed, I feel like I didn't have enough floor-face to face play time. Like I miss my opportunities to be the mom on the ground with him. I am not the best at play. I go places and do things with him, but when it comes to actual play, I end up making the Lincoln Logs cabin. Or I end up crafting my own play-doh animal. I see my friends and some family who are interactive and good with kids. I don't really like talking just to talk. Small talk with playground moms? Not my forte. Church small talk? I usually flee. Once I actually talk and have a real conversation with people, I am glad for it. But it's hard for me to do strike up small talk just for the sake of small talk. So with Caleb, I just hang out. I ask him questions, which get mixed results with answers. I used to feel like I wasn't doing good enough with this interacting with him type stuff. Then I realized that he was okay with me how I am, and just wants me present with him. So now, after the battle of an hour long meltdown behind me, I am left alone with sacred silence. I am glad for it, but am still aware of how I miss the mom/boy playtime that I know he will grow out of far too soon. The chance is now. As the saying goes, the days are long, the years are short. This is part of the reason why a lot of times at night, I miss him. Even though he is in the other room.

Zucchini Cake w/cream cheese & honey.
Not bad!
8) Oh yea, within the last week and a half, I have made: Zucchini Cake (dense, not cake like), Beef Zucchini Enchiladas, and a gluten free pasta with zucchini and italian sicilian sausage. Caleb did not love any of the above items. When he was younger, he did like zucchini bread with all the sugar in it. And he loves the random vegan zucchini bread I have picked up at Mother's Market before. Oh well, I try. Also-we are not gluten free folk. I just randomly buy that pasta because we like them both.

9) In around 15 mins, it will be Friday. As wonderful as that is because it means one day closer to being free for the weekend, I always think about how much talk there is over being unhappy at different jobs, and about how terrible Monday's are. It's not like I don't feel this myself sometimes, I totally do. Especially with the Monday thing. We have been known to have been on enemy lines far too often, Monday and I. But I just hope that working folks can find or have jobs where they (myself included for sure) enjoy the week more, instead hanging in there, hour by hour, day by day, until the freedom of the weekend comes. And yes, the break is a welcome wonder for us all!

And now, I think I will go eat some of that zucchini cake, since I am the only one around here who will... 

Have a good Friday!