she sang. she took.
she dissented. she enlivened.
she saw. she grew. she sweated.
she learned. she laughed.
she shed her skin.
she bled on the pages of her days,
she walked through walls,
she lived with intention.
-Mary Anne Radmacher
Anna gave me a print from a cool little store in Wisconsin a few years ago that had this quote written across it in script. I have had it ever since, and recently found it. I like it because it speaks this language of a life that is being lived. It speaks about joys, celebration, struggle, and growth. It speaks about moving forward and living with intention. I love it, and I love that it is called a living eulogy. I love that the woman in the poem sheds her skin, much like we all do when we are made new in different ways. Several months ago, when I was going through this painful and necessary break from Spencer, I was keenly aware of God making me new and shedding my skin. I was so grateful for that, and yet in such hurt from this ripping apart that had to happen. I was very aware of how good it all was. God was and is, making me new. Just as Romans 8:2 touches on by saying that the Spirit of the Lord frees us from the law of sin and death. I very much feel that in my life, even now. This poem that my dear Anna gave me makes me think about what my living eulogy might be, and what I might want it to be. It might be a good exercise to think about. How do I live my days as compared to how I want to live my days? This living eulogy penned by Mary Anne Radmacher is a good one.
I am drawn to images of life. For me, there are specific images or places that illustrate and speak life to me like trees, or flying birds, or the image of birds flying out of a cage.
Life is scarily short. I complain sometimes about how I am 26, and how old that is for me and how I have noticed so many changes in me since having Caleb. This can get some eye rolls from older folks out there...as I am still 26 years old. Not 75. But the reality is, as a parent, I don't know if there is any better measure of time than to watch kids grow. Just the other day, Caleb put on a pair of pants that was several inches too short. It was hilarious. And of course his waist is so small, he was fine with rocking those highwaters.
It's insane how fast they shoot up. I have many friends with babies, and every time I see them, I am stunned all over again about how much they grow. We hear it all the time and we say it all the time. "You have grown so much!!" Well dang, it is true. It's not just a line to say to fill the space of awkward backyard conversation. It is so true how much kids grow, and how fast it happens. It really shows me how time speeds by, and we have to make moments count. We have to stop and look in the eyes of others, kiss the cheeks of the young, and look forward with motivation to what lies ahead. I often feel like I waste my life not being outside or doing something more during the work week. I am doing what I can, in this time, for Caleb and I. I have many aspirations and passions. But God knows where I am headed, and he knows where I am at. I just hope that if I were to write my own living eulogy one day, it can include some of the realities as described in Radmacher's poem.
|Here is a random, bright, a little eclectic image that Kaitlin took at a bar in Scotland. |
As of now, this much is true:
She lived in grace, love, mercy, and life.
She hopes to live with intention.
She sought to love others and love her God.