To Wait. Also, how I was tricked into a women's bible study.

Yesterday I wrote about waiting. I was discouraged and frustrated over a job search that has thus far, yielded no results. I have interviewed, and I continue to try. I even closed the door on a second interview because it wasn't a good fit for Caleb and I.

Today I woke up, groggy, tired, and grouchy. I pity my child for having a mother who is the antitheses of a morning person. Does he ever awaken to freshly made pancakes and eggs? No. I make muffins in advance or he has other things, like fruit and yogurt. Basically, anything that doesn't require cooking. There's a reason we do breakfast for dinner. ;)

Anyway, somehow, by the time we got into the car, I was back to a more joyful state. Rend Collective Experiment-Campire was playing, and I was in a more worshipful state.

It seems interesting to me, that while I am keenly aware of this time in my life to wait, words and messages and quotes and outside sources crop up around me to support this. On Facebook, I log on, and I see things like:

I look around, and see so many people in this state of in-between. Waiting. 

Today I went to a church nearby called Free Chapel to what I thought was a Wednesday night service. I hadn't been in a very long time and was eager to go. Unbeknownst to me, their Wednesday nights are actually study groups right now. One for men and one for women. 

Caleb and I visited Free Chapel the week before last. While we were there, a nice unsuspecting lady stood at a booth that said, "Divine".  "What's this?" I skeptically asked the kind woman. "Ohhh! It is our new women's study called Divine that is blah blah blah..." I shut it down. Nope. No thank you. First of all, I don't even feel like I have the time to go, because Caleb's bedtime is at the time of these sort of things. Secondly, I'm not super into women study groups.  

Skip ahead to tonight. I was tricked into going. I walked in and saw an almost alarming amount of women, drafting into the lobby of the church. I saw water and fruit, and a cute display set up. This was suspicious. It certainly didn't look like a church service. What was going on? A greeter told me that it was their study night. I stood in the lobby, debating for several minutes. Stay, go? Stay, Go? 

I buckled down and decided to stay. I walked my somewhat unwilling body into the room with a name tag I was impartial to secured to my dress. I sat down at table 3, still skeptical about the whole thing.

Then then women came. Rich in diversity (which I'll admit, I love) and in age. Rich in life experiences. Many single mothers, which is a little sobering. All real women. Women that didn't seem to wear a mask. Women that just brought themselves there and parked their bodies in their seats and sat, expectantly. 

And the talk? About waiting. About God bringing us into times in our lives where even though we are not where we wish to be, he has us here, just where we are at, for his own purposes. And even though it may not make sense, it doesn't have to for us. Because we can trust that to God, it makes all the sense in the world. I shared about my dream of working in social work or with people, and how I had to put everything I wanted aside for Caleb. How I still do. I shared about needing a new job. I shared about this wait, and how I have been choosing, trying to at least, be joyful about it. Be expectant. And at the very least, have faith in trusting that God knows. 

I again saw that many of these women were waiting. Waiting for love, or ministry, or a job, or healing, or restoration. It is a little disconcerting to me to see so many people waiting. As long as we are doing something in the mean time, like for me, that is to continue actively job searching. 

The ladies thought I was funny. I never know why with these things. I don't feel like a particularly funny person. One lady beside me kept cracking up saying I was too much. Another lady later on told me how she liked the group and why, and then said, "Once in awhile, you get a quirky person..." Perhaps she was trying to warn me. I wryly answered her , "Oh, I am quirky." She denied this and said, "No, you are honest. I like that." I agreed with her, because I am. Bluntly, sorely, honest. But also a little weird. And awkward. 

Actually as a side note, during my sister and brother in law's wedding, each of us in the bridal and groom party had to speak. I am not into any sort of public speaking. So I was the only one clutching my piece of paper with probably no discernible personality, talking about how I was glad to call David my family now. During this terribly poor delivered speech, I told the many people at their wedding that David and my sister are both "quirky". I mean, they are. I promise you that. It's part of why they work so well together. And while I have a whole arsenal of examples of this at my disposal, I'll save them. Anyway, the point is, quirky is a good thing. This lady tried to warn me, but little does she know, I am somewhat an admirer of the quirky. And odd (just check out my best friend. She's super odd. Jessie, you know her I am sure). 

All that to say, I think I might actually go back to the study. And read the book. 

I don't see it as a coincidence that waiting has been such a theme I have seen. It's as if it's God's way of confirmation. I trust him. And I tell him this regularly. 

I just hope that I can come back here and report fruits of waiting at some point. 

In the meantime, in the waiting, there is healing. And there is a spiritual closeness that is ascertained through the strain of this wait.