Four Years a Boy, Four Years a Mama

This past Sunday, April 6th, my son turned four years old. It is astounding to see the growth of a child. Nothing ages you more. Nothing shows the stark contrast of time like watching a child grow. It seems to me like the most gracious human beings around, are the smallest. The children who don't know how to share all the time, or who think their mommy asking them to wash their hands is a gross injustice, harbor some interesting secrets to life that somehow gets lost in the business of growing up. Kids effortlessly master these abilities of being in the moment. They are creative, inspiring, hope filled, imaginative, trusting, honest, and engaging. They are open and unafraid to be who they are, if given that freedom. It's a remarkable thing. Kids are manipulative creatures as they are smart. Their memories are insanely amazing and put folks like me to shame. As much as we have to offer these little people, we are forever students of our children. Nothing shows you that your priorities are out of whack like spending a moment with your kid. 

It happens so easily. Cleaning takes precedence. Cooking, getting ready, work, and everything else you have to do in life makes you hold off on that kid even more. These kids wont want to hang out with us parent folk forever. It makes me wish I had infinite time to do and be it all. Regardless of this, these four years have shown me something. I have learned that it’s okay not to be insanely crafty or the best at play. I learned that it seems like he likes me being his mom even if I am not into all that other mom stuff. I learned that somehow, I have something of my own to offer him. I have this often have this feeling that I could and should be better. But I also have this understanding that right now, in this time of four-years-a-little-boy-making-me-four-years-a-mama, we are all right. 

{Birth to Four...}

Four Years a Boy, Four Years a Mama.

Last night Caleb asked me what the meaning of hope is. I told him that hope is believing something good can happen. It is a feeling of trust and is an expectation or desire that something good can happen. Hope has been a value central to who I am as a person my entire life. For me, it is a natural extension to being a believer in Christ. With God, we can always have hope for every person and in every situation. I am a fervent believer in hope because I am a fervent believer in the creator of life. But hope didn't get us to this point, four years down the road. Our God did.

When I was pregnant with Caleb years ago, I didn't know what I would do. I was alone but had the support of friends and family. I didn't know where I was going to live. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know mostly anything. But I knew it would be okay. I had this unrelenting assurance that regardless of the precarious situation we were in, a way would be found. I still live with this same assurance. One of my best friends recently gave me two beautiful cards. One of them said Fearless. She wrote to me that I am one of the most fearless people she knows, which is astounding coming from her of all people. I think this line of thought for me comes from my desire to not live in fear. Uncertainty looms, even now. I have had to face a lot of difficult decisions even in this year already. I don't have a clue what the rest of this year will look like for us. But I am also not afraid. I have this confidence that God will lead us to where we are supposed to go. He is with us, and we only need to trust in that. I would have never expected to be the mama I am today. I go to kid baseball games. I utilize Pinterest to be the mind I don't have for things like crafts and ideas for holidays. I still sometimes can't believe I have a four year old and can't believe I'm really a mom. At the same time, his life is such a vibrant and spirited statement of God's goodness, it seems meant to be that he have this space on this Earth. It seems right that I get to be so blessed to have Caleb bestowed upon me as my child. 

Though here is how he feels about sharing any part of his snack with his mom. No matter the bite, it will result into an instant and spontaneous display of tear shed.   

Though here is how he feels about sharing any part of his snack with his mom. No matter the bite, it will result into an instant and spontaneous display of tear shed.   

At this point in his life,  Caleb loves superheroes, stories, questions, movies, reading, snacks (any type of bar, any fruit snack, any chocolate chip muffin), and has a growing interest in outer space.

He also likes to understand how things work. It could be anything at all. Today he asked me why a tree on the street grew to the left. He likes to understand how things are made and what causes them to function. Sadly I don't always know the answers to these sort of things. Like the "slanted tree" as he called it? I gave a subpar answer with no scientific basis. Typical. 

I regularly marvel at my child's young intellect. I marvel at his astounding memory. And I wonder as always, how this child will continue to grow into his own person. Cheers to four abundantly blessed years. And Happy Birthday (belated blog style) to my boy!

Portraits of a Four Year Old Monster Truck Birthday Party: