(Post written on July 31, but only being shared now.)
It is right down to the wire. July 31, 2014. During this month, my apartment complex gave me notices twice that said I needed to either renew my contract with them come by July 31, put in my notice and move, or go month to month (with the rent being an outrageous $2400+).
There were a lot of outside factors that made all of this timing pressing. I just had trust, faith, and a burning desire, for God's will to manifest. Then, right down to the wire, I got a job referral through my friend Dale from my church. I was weary at first, because I have gotten many referrals which have lead to many rejections. So I moved forward tentatively with this one, thinking it was curious that this would come about during the same time span of me needing to put in notice at my apartment, amongst everything else going on. Today on July 31st, I had an interview with the company and apparently, it went really well. Today was the day I needed the last word on my apartment. There is nothing curious about this and there are no coincidences like this. This is what the faith walk looks like. It is painful and sometimes filled with anguish. I just breathe through it, and remember, it is in God's hands. He will do it. And if it is not of his will, I don't want it anyway.
I have many times now, walked to the edge and to the brink where there seem to be no answers. At the last moment where uncertainty seems to prevail and a fall is imminent, I have seen God extend a bridge onto level ground, holding me fast. He invites me to walk with him, and so I do. I have lived in a state of perpetual unknowing. Job, living, Caleb's school, next steps? All year, unknown. I have had to wait. And I know about waiting, I know it well.
So I wait. Sometimes, I am anxious and try to do everything I can to plan for as much as I can. I relinquish over and over again. God knows the bigger story of our lives. God has his reasons and plans for seasons of wait. He knows why I have to walk this road and what I need to learn and grow from it. He knows it sucks sometimes. He asks me to do it anyway. I wait, and strive to trust, not knowing anything.
But isn't that the point? Faith is easy when there is no risk. Faith is easy when you aren't depending on it for your very lives. Faith in the deepest, hardest times, requires a trust in God that I will admit, can be shaken. Mine was. But the key to that, is to stand back up. Looking back to God again, and again, and again and remembering that there is a "but, God." But God is greater than my uncertainties. God knows what lies ahead just has he knows what lies before. The God of the universe knows.
So here I am, back on the brink, not knowing what will come, literally on the precipice of a deadline. I found out that the deadline was extended and the last day for me to give notice for my lease at my apartment is August 7th. It's in God's hands.
And now, I have a really great opportunity for a job right at the last moment. Right before I have to put in notice at my apartments for the lease agreement. At the last moment while having no idea what we will do, but trusting God, I finally might get a job that will allow Caleb and I to have the independence we have so needed.
Thanks be to God, from whom all blessings flow.
After this next part, I will need to flip into action with apartments in a new city and a new school for my son. I am anxious about this too. So here I am again, back on the block, giving it all to God. Breathe.
Thanks dear friends, for your relentless prayers, love, and support.
Wait and see that the Lord is good. And remember this always, God is bigger.